The hotel was too big. I knew now what overwhelment felt like. The hotel overwhelmed me. I began the familiar process of feeling daunted by everything: the other taxis, of which there was an endless stream, were shinier than the dear taxi I had come to know so well in the last 3 days; the people getting out of them wore nice clothes. I never wore nice clothes. After my 3 days of bliss and healing at The Lakeside Inn I was now ready to return to England. But I had to go to the Abraham-Hicks seminar first – since I was here – I had often thought it would be interesting fun to have a turn in the hot seat.
I liked the long empty anonymous corridors in this hotel. There were about 800 rooms. It was a resort hotel like an enormous Butlins. It seemed to specialise in golf. It was not far from Disney World.
The next morning, early, without fully knowing where I was in this foreign land, I asked, Gabriel with the nice smile where I could go with my coffee and find a quiet spot outside, near a tree perhaps. It was about 6.00AM. He thought hard, but could not think of anywhere. He said it would be better out back than out front.
Outside I walked around for half an hour till the coffee was cold looking for somewhere quiet to sit but the pumping of water into the various pools and rivers was omnipresent. So back in the room I waited for seminar time. I had learned how to plug my laptop into the TV which meant I could be happily occupied for hours. So I was later than I should have been to go down to the meeting. The room was almost full a half hour before it was due to start. I found a seat on the end of a row at the back which gave me a chance of seeing Esther, but not in great detail. The audience was excited, probably in response to the several large screens on which the several professional cameramen were testing the room and the angles. And there was a large digital clock counting down the minutes and seconds to 9.00AM. Some comedians have warm-up acts to precede them, to pump up the energy. This was a bit like that.
It felt horrible to me. There was no hint of sincerity. Why was I expecting sincerity? There had been a seamless vibration of public excitement from the taxi-drop yesterday to this large seminar room this morning. This was not my world at all. I looked behind to check the exits and wondered how much I would regret it if I left now. Then a young person came up and said I was sitting in her seat. There had been a plastic container on the seat I’d chosen which to me looked accidentally placed so I’d tidied it away under the seat next to mine. The moment came and went as I was moving nowhere except out of the room, but the angry person’s vibe added to the experience, and then the loud ‘You can do it…. joy, joy, joy’ music began to pump out of huge speakers. Everyone stood up.
After a few minutes of standing ovation – I didn’t stand in case someone took my seat – Esther went to the pulpit as usual and fetched Abraham. So then I was overwhelmed again, but this time by the presence of the completely genuine love energy that is Abraham. I recognized it as it was so like Arthur (see first post here). This was too much, I was reduced to tears but had nowhere to go and hide. So I sucked it up for the first hour and then left for the sanctuary of my room. I have no recollection of anything that was said. The first person in the chair was full of smiles and wanted to know why his mother was so stubborn. One thing I knew for sure: Esther and the audience were one entity at this time. To be in the so-called hot seat was not a one to one moment with Abraham, it was a very public moment. This does not come over in the audio recordings, although I suppose for some it might not be hard to put it all together. But I do not go to public events. I may have done a long time ago, but not that I remember.
I now realised that this was a road-show. The same style as any entertainer taking to the road to get on the stage and please the audience. But it was the mix of sacred and profane that was hard for me to process.
Consensus reality is that which is generally agreed to be reality based on a consensus view. Reality for people who follow a particular theocentric religion is different from reality for those who follow another theocentric religion, or from those that favour science alone, for explaining life and the universe. In this sense and in this gathering it occurred to me that I was having one reality experience and everyone else was having another one based on a sort of crowd mentality when the vibes in the room (or stadium) increase because everyone is focusing on the same thing or idea. Attention creates energy. Performers on stage love the feeling of applause and attention as it raises their own vibration.
As a 4th house person (astrology reference) I always seem to remain rooted whether I like it or not. Self-consciousness never seems to leave me and I am mostly always divided by the presence of others rather than multiplied by them. I was not sure I would want to listen to the recordings again, now I knew where they came from. But I also knew my reaction was as much about me as it was about the spectacle.
Esther has 3 planets in the 10th house (probably); in Leo. I have 3 in the opposite 4th house – 2 conjunct in Libra, 1 in Scorpio. I am a private person; she is a public person.