What I would say if I had the courage to raise my hand and the luck to be seen and selected…. and the courage to go up there?

I have never enjoyed public venues for entertainment even when I was going along to this and that now and then – I didn’t mind smaller venues, the more intimate gatherings. This time last year I flew to Florida from England, from my forest home as I had become beguiled by the words from Abraham and the way Esther chose the words.

The most interesting, possibly the most exciting 5 years of my life was when I was personally asking daily questions of non-physical, Arthur. So Abraham, compared to the others available at the time, was the nearest to that experience of 10 – 15 years ago. And Esther’s talent, her fluency was impressive to me.

After a couple of years of wandering in nature while listening to the recordings, the place making the recordings a very personal experience, I completely forgot how I did not respond well to being part of a large audience. Abraham and Esther were above all of those petty preferences. But finding myself in a vast American hotel I was already overwhelmed. So much so that I came down from my room too late to find a seat which provided a good view of the stage. I wished I had brought that old pair of opera glasses. But it didn’t matter much in the end, for the longer I sat there in anticipation of Esther’s arrival on stage in an audience which was becoming more and more animated with excitement as the seconds ticked by on a huge display, and the few massive cameras swooped around taking pictures of the room, the more I diminished like the shrinking Alice in Wonderland. I managed to stay till the first break, then retreated to the safety of my sanctum sanctorum.

Looking around that room. Feeling it out, I felt the opposite of alignment, in the sense Esther uses the word. It might have suited me better if there had been a quiet, respectful murmur rather than the eager anticipation of the TV spectacle of entertainment. Abraham says: ‘There is nothing serious going on here’, nevertheless…..

In the early days which included Jerry and his introduction it was a more intimate affair with less of the frou-frou, the entertainment factor, but as A-H has grown over the years and the crowds have grown accordingly, this has been lost. So now I wonder who are these people in the audience and what is it that makes them prepared to confront any nervousness in order to present personal questions under a spotlight while being recorded with their back to a large audience?

Firstly they must all be perfectly in tune with what is taking place which is a little surprising as the mainstream western world is not. They have to be in tune else they would be lynched by the mob. So do these brave individuals truly understand what is happening or is it an act of blind faith, a hope that this spectacle holds something which will provide what is needed? Is the need so great that they don’t care? Many, maybe even half will be there because they love crowd energy, or at least don’t mind it – at least half the people in the world feel multiplied by the presence of others while the other half, as I do, feel divided.

There must be some who have studied this type of skill – mediumship – along with the whole subject area for many years as I have; some few say as much to introduce their question.

If I found it within myself to go up there (maybe there are some drugs…?) mine would be the first public lynching. My questions would sound a little confrontational. I would need to know the extent to which non-physical is restricted in its infinite intelligence and infinite everything else, by its ‘host’, whoever they are – because I have reflected on this matter for years. I would like to know about the so-called Laws of the Universe and how they came to be called laws. I would also like to bring up the subject of what is unfortunately known as astrology but which is not what the mainstream know as astrology. I would be anticipating trouble here as I know Esther has no knowledge of the subject so I would have to be mentally prepared, calm – which in the circumstances seems very unlikely.

On the subject of meditation I would observe that it is easier to practise something which is enjoyable – Esther liked the feeling of it when she first tried it, so it was easy for her to carry on with it. I like walking up a hill into the woods everyday – easy for me: Esther is more of a psychic, so am I more of the mystic that I think I am, or just bewildered? And now I have meditated to the extent that I have (something very up-stream oriented for me), is that what has contributed to early signs of dementia, like memory loss? There’s emptying your mind, then there is the sad fact of an empty mind.

But to end on a positive note: when Esther arrived on stage, so did Abraham and that was something else. Suddenly and out of nowhere the room was filled with pure, spiritual, positive, loving energy. It was authentic and absolute and familiar to me. I was overcome.

Now, as I remember, I wonder why no-one else seemed to be overcome and, why did it neutralise as quickly as it did – because it did. The pure positive energy levelled out perhaps to accommodate the cheerful vibe in the room. From then on it was mundane: questions, answers, entertainment, the usual format.

Mystery heaped upon mystery.